a close battle

Almost midnight, I am lying down the sofa, looking the darkness outside the window, can not fall asleep.

I’ve got used to sleep 4 hours a day for years.

Maybe the most horrible thing is against a lonely endless long night for a over 30 years old single woman. Lonely and helpless is just 100 times terrible as the most dreadful terrorism in the world to a woman , I think also to a man, even harder.

I met a tremendous amount of men in these years whatever they look successful or proud or haughty or even pretending beyond nirvana. They actually strongly expect maternal to subsume and comfort to conquer the fears behind the face. on the contrary women act better.

I stand up and walk toward the mirror. I see a perfect body in it. Skin is smooth as jade and soft as satin. No years trace on that face except the wisdom in the eyes shows up my real age. Nobody has the reason to resist my glamour.

Only in this moment I am filling with satisfies instead of fears and it brings confidence and coldness back to me. I anxious sharing and nestling but the only way to protect me is building a parclose to kill all the enemy who occasionally looks like a wolf or a sheep attempting to pillage and possess and then turn into mercilessly around me.

There are all kinds of enemies around me. Some are malicious but stupid , some are sly but skeptical, some looks arrogant but in fact recreant, some looks catty but avarice.

There are no friends to me. There has never been friendship in the world ever. Just some unions of foes are founded against their common enemies. which will be apart at any time.

This is me. You may know me better when you read the following.